The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
