I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
