im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
