It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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