I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
