i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
