So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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