organizing the empties. That sober.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
