I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize
