mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
