Please don't use social media to get back at me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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