omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
