He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
