Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
