i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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