The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
