i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
