Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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