Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
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we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
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Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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