He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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