just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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