everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
