I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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