Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
