I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
