Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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