kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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