Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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