i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
