Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
