You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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