someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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