I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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