I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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