He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
