He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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