i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Someone signed my nipple.
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