I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
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I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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