So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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