Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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