Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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