Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
