I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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