Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm drive I can fine osifer
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
