the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize