Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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