Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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