You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
