Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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