Just cropdusted the office
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
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Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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