my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
