i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
