yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
