i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
