ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
