Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
