Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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