i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
