got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
