And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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