at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
