wrigley field is MILF paradise
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
