My nipple is on Facebook.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
