you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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