When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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