I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
